How do people mentally cope when burnout is staring them in the face?

I am currently transitioning out of a job that was fulfilling in so many ways, but over time mentally drained me. I was a private practice ob/gyn in a successful group practice for ten years. This was my first job out of residency, and I had to grow up quickly. I was single at the time with no other major responsibilities, and I launched to my new career in full of verve and enthusiasm. I was running back and forth between three hospitals, juggling multiple patients in surgery, labor and delivery, and the office. The office was a never ending barrage of charting, diagnostic ultrasound, and administrative tasks.

Five years into my new job, I met my husband, Nigel. Things moved quickly, and we were married after six months, and I delivered our son Jacob the following January. Two years later, our second son Jeremiah arrived. To say my life monumentally changed is an understatement. Dealing with the mental load of taking care of a family and being full time physician quickly became overwhelming.

After a while, I felt things slowly starting to slip out of my grasp, so I tried even harder. The more I tried, the more irritable and jaded I became.

Taking care of patients day in and out was an ongoing task that rolled into infinity. The work was never done at the end of the day; it just flowed and merged with the next until I was trapped under the mountain of it. My daily efforts at becoming more efficient never seemed to last. I came home every day to constant demands and needs from my family. The checklist of day to day tasks exhausted me. It was always do, do, do, and go, go, go, leaving very little time for introspection, recovery, and repair. Over time, life became more and more difficult to cope with. My defense mechanisms were crumbling in the face of constant demands of life. I tried to get more organized, remove distractions, and attack tasks one at a time. I started comfort eating, and gained weight. I also developed chronic hypertension, somatic effects emerging from the embers of my smoldering anxiety.

I knew something had to change, and change now. Ten years after starting, I was in a state of despair. I had everything I ever wanted in life, and yet I felt the bubble about to burst. I had outsourced as much as I could from work and home, and yet the daily exhaustion was all-consuming. A colleague told me about opportunities as a hospitalist; this seemed like the break I desperately needed. The job offered flexible hours and time off each month. In a demanding medical specialty where working moms are struggling to find balance, this offer seemed like a godsend. Thankfully, I was able to secure a position quickly, as many hospital maternity wards are starting hospitalist programs around the city. The hard part was leaving what I had built for all these years. Saying goodbye was bittersweet for me, my staff, and for so many patients. I had learned and grown so much over the years as a capable physician in that practice.

However, I knew for my own sanity I had to let go.

So many of us are trying to be supermom and superboss, living in this perfectionistic trap; but this is an illusion. Indeed the idea that women are supposed to juggle it all is astoundingly unrealistic. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Don’t get me wrong, my husband has been an amazing partner during this journey, but I still put the unnecessary burden on myself to get the job done.

It was so difficult to pour from an empty cup. When you are constantly giving, it is hard to remember to take care of yourself as well. I had to remember that my needs were also valid and important; someone needed to take care of me. Sometimes there was no one around to take care of me, and a necessary skill I had to develop was prioritizing myself.

I took myself on a personal trip recently. I told my husband I was facing burnout, as I was transitioning between jobs with a precious week before starting again. Nigel and I try to be supportive of each other’s mental health and needs, and he gave the okay for me to step away. I checked into the Omni in central Houston and poured into myself. Spent time staring at the wall, listening to podcasts, journaling, talking to friends, eating good food, exercising… things I had started to miss about reconnecting with myself. I also spent time in meditation. This time felt nurturing to my spirit; inside I had been screaming

to reconnect to myself.

In this new work environment I have time to breathe, time to sit and enjoy my breakfast and coffee before seeing patients, time to walk around the hospital gardens and smell the roses. I have time to read, to engage meaningfully with patients, to educate, and to learn. I am rediscovering my love of medicine again.

At home, I can pursue other passions outside of work. I have time to creatively write, exercise, read the news, and brunch with friends. I delight in the daily activities of making my children’s meals, packing their lunch, doing homework, folding their clothes. I have enough energy to be consciously involved with my family, laugh at their silly jokes, debate current events, or play another round of Mousetrap. I marvel at all the things I am capable of.

I am learning how to let go of the control issue that drives my perfectionism, to accept my failures and flaws, even to embrace them as I fully engage with myself.

My rough edges in my personality make me interesting. I watch my husband as he interacts with our sons, and am awed at how differently we see and approach life. He is much more fluid, spontaneous, disorganized, and carefree. He makes me laugh, scream, and laugh some more. We rarely see eye to eye on things, but our contrasting perspectives make our life together so much fuller and passionate. I am learning to just be. When I am with my children, I breathe the air around them, inhale the fragrance of the pomade in their hair, listen intently to what they are saying, and know that in this moment I am living.

Being mindfully present, free of distraction, I am living the life I intended.

Join our community and start a meaningful disscussion here on our Forum

Lauren